Mothering

The two first years of being a mother were very difficult for me. More so than I had expected. Fuhani was working for an abusive employer who would frequently make him work double shifts, weekends and occasionally told him to come back to work six hours after he left his shift. I would spend my days alone with the baby and a week could easily go by without Fuhani getting to see her, because he left before she woke up and came home after she went to bed.

That kind of stress aside, being a good mother isn’t something I just became after pushing out the baby. The physical stuff came easy for me, the breastfeeding (17 months, phew!), the changing of diapers, I knew instinctively how to hold her and how to soothe her. What I found hard, and what I’ve had to work hard on, is finding more patience, more compassion and more strength.

I look at Fante and, despite never getting to have me completely to himself, I still often think how lucky he is to have a big sister who taught me so much about being a mother. Because of her I have more patience, I have more compassion and I am much stronger.

Mother’s day is just as much about my children as it is about me.